When we expect more we will receive less, simply because we are not open to all possibilities. We set limitations on life when we have a fixed mindset around ourselves, others or a particular outcome. To learn how to let go of expectations is not about stopping them from happening but about shifting our perspective when they arise.
What would your life look like if you were willing to embrace each new experience just as it is?
Where do Expectations Come From?
An Expectation is the belief that something or someone will be a certain way in the future.
Expectations in life stem from generational family patterns, routines and societal conditioning. Take a moment to think about what has been expected of you in your own life. This could include your behavior, what you ate, how you dressed, who you surround yourself with, your education or career choices etc.
Are these things continuing to show up in how you relate to yourself and others? Are you doing these things because it’s all you’ve ever known or because you actually desire to do them? Sometimes it’s easier to accept that there is no other way than to start creating a new way…this involves being open to change.
Why it’s Important to Learn How to Let Go of Expectations
When we set expectations in our mind we are also pre-setting an emotional pattern in our bodies. We are basically assuming how an outcome will go based on how we currently FEEL about it. This is setting our emotional bodies up for failure…
To explain further, when we expect a specific outcome or response from someone or something we are putting a label on the situation. We oftentimes do this because it is familiar; we assume that it must be this way based on what we have previously known to be true.
This is setting ourselves up for failure because when something doesn’t go as expected our bodies are not prepared for a different scenario other than the one we have pre-created. In doing this, we are not preparing the nervous system for the possibility of all outcomes.
Learn How to Let Go of Expectations…
To be very clear, just because you are no longer desiring to create expectations does not mean that it isn’t important to prepare, practice, and set positive intentions for life. This comes with getting to know oneself and setting yourself up for success in situations vs. just assuming how things will turn out.
An assumption is the belief that something is certain to happen without proof and a prediction is a foreshadowing that something might occur based on research, evidence or logical reasoning.
Likewise, It is still possible to predict that something may or may not happen without getting consumed by the outcome. An expectation is a one size fits all idea, whereas an intention provides a plan for numerous scenarios.
Without first having the awareness of our own expectations we would not have a true understanding or desire for something else. This awareness can completely change the way we look at life and interact with the people we love.
Follow these practices below to get started.
1. Journaling Practice:
- Write or type out a list of all of the things you can think of where you felt like someone expected something of you. Then make another list of all of the things that you expect from other people. Lastly, make a list of all of the things you expect from yourself.
- A reminder to be compassionate with yourself while you view these lists closely and become aware of any similarities or differences. Is there anything that surprised you? If you’re interested to learn more about the benefits of reflecting and processing emotions through writing, feel free to check out this post!
We free ourselves when we discover that we truly have no idea what is going to happen next, what people are thinking, or how others are going to react.
2. Imagery Practice:
- If there is an upcoming experience in life that is unsettling to you, try to practice imagining each possible outcome in your head that you are afraid of. Try to really feel and imagine how you think you might respond in that situation.
- Then I want you to imagine how you would prefer to respond in that situation to create the outcome that you truly desire…Being an over-thinker myself, I know that this practice can be triggering. So to help ease the worry that comes with this, keep reading below!
How to Start Creating Something New…
To continue, it’s definitely possible that when we are making multiple predictions about an outcome that we might get overwhelmed in too many ideas. That’s why it is important to stick to imagining the most logical solutions/reactions possible.
If you feel you are at a safe place within yourself to practice imagining more traumatic scenarios then there is nothing wrong with that and this can actually be beneficial if held with love & intention…
Follow these practices below to get started.
1. Get to Know Yourself:
- Are you someone who generally likes to know what is going to happen next or do you find a sense of thrill in not knowing? I think it’s important to find a balance between the two so that we can relate to all angles of life.
- The Monthly Date Day Idea is a bonding practice that I created with the intention to help release expectations within my relationships. This practice brings balance between giving & receiving and shows us how we lead in our experiences.
2. Acceptance Practice:
- Establishing an acceptance practice is necessary when it comes to releasing expectations. Start by saying a daily affirmation to yourself such as “I trust what is and what will be.”
- Consistently practicing non-attachment is important because no matter how many times we expect something of someone, we must remember that they are only ready to receive at their own level of awareness; which is ‘unknown’ to us.
3. Intention Setting Practice:
- What we can do is start taking action within our own awareness by setting positive intentions for our experiences and creating a plan.
- For example, “When a situation doesn’t go as planned, I will still find something positive about the experience anyways.” Or “Every time I wake up in the morning I will say something I am grateful for.” Or “I intend to start doing cardio every week so that I can have more energy.”
Of course we will never truly know what the outcome might be before it happens, but we can start to connect similar situations with successful responses.
Rewarding ourselves for the small achievements where we were able to shift our perspective and create a new response pattern is important.
Why it Really Matters…
These practices really matter because if we expect others to take action in our lives then we will create the bystander effect. We need to learn how to think for ourselves and become educated on how to start taking an active approach in our lives vs. playing the victim of our own reality.
Setting positive intentions in our lives vs. expectations is one of the best ways to start taking action on our goals and creating a life we will enjoy. With that being said, we don’t want to become consumed in the end result and forget about the journey.
That is why one of the most important intentions we can set for ourselves is to embrace the present moment with compassion. Expectations take away from the present moment because they are focused on the future outcome and oftentimes come with fear.
Likewise, when others are expecting things of us we can sometimes suppress how we really feel when we think we must react in a way that will fit into their specific idea. That is why awareness, compassion, and practice are a necessary part of the process.
Once you start the practice to change your mindset around your experiences, then your nervous system will eventually catch on as well and this will snowball into the rest of your life!
Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be like and learn to find the joy in the story you are actually living.”- Rachel Marie Martin
If you found this post interesting, check below for more connecting resources!
